Rant: How to Fool Yourself into Happiness Seeing Your Parents Age

Ah to be young again. That's likely what my mom, 85 years old, is saying too. And my husband's mother, 86. Heck even my dad, he's 89.

Seeing your parents age is beyond things like – they forget to pay a bill, you see they have less hair, and their walk is slower. That was an earlier stage. One that likely most of us just silently pass through, feeling things are pretty much the same.

What follows those almost unnoticed changes might be dementia, falls that break something only to land a parent in hospital stays where often there are more complications. Time moves on when you all of a sudden realize things are different.

Yesterday my youngest sister called me per usual with a weekly update of mom. Here's something like she recalls the visits with me these days.

Sis walks into mom's room. She brings her always-cheery attitude, fast paced walk and contagious smile almost singing, "How's my mom today?"

Mom is now able to push herself in her wheelchair; that was not the case these past three months when besides not being able to walk at all, her arms started to give out. So mom turns her chair around, smiles back at sis and asks, "Are you here to take me back home today?"

Sis says her heart always feels so heavy with that question. She answers as positively as possible with, "Not today mom. I'm here to visit. Since the weather is gorgeous, why don't I take you outside?"

Moms' entire demeanor changes. She loses the smile not just on her face, but also in her beautiful eyes and remarks back, "Ok but how come? How come I can't go home?"

Less than two months ago we made the excruciating decision to have mom live in a long term care facility. With the dim diagnosis after the right hip replacement from a fall, now she has both hips replaced, there was really no choice. Either find two people who could be at mom's side 24/7 or complete the application for a long-term care stay.

This passage of life has got to be both one of the saddest. You can get depressed, anxious, even angry. So many unpleasant emotions can flood your days.

If you have not arrived at this life passage yet, thank God. Then ask that you are given enough preparation time to know the enormity of the responsibility that lies ahead of you. Ask for compassion and kindness as you travel this part of our journey.

Just how the heck do you fool yourself into happiness as you see your mom or dad age?

Your aging parent who is no longer mobile on their own and likely needs help with daily activities we once took for granted, is now cared for 24/7 by people trained for this kind of care.

You're scared but you remind yourself, your parent is more frightened than you. Often they don't remember the day or what they had just a couple of hours ago for a meal. That’s the dementia.

We've likened our situation to being in a hotel, although maybe not 5 star, our moms have their room and board, all included. Like a mini-vacation for them. And you too since you visit when your life, and your heart allow you to.

If you are lucky this time can bring you closer to your siblings. I've been quite fortunate with this outcome. My home is in another state, while my two sisters live within an hour from mom's new place. When I visit now, we make sure we spend time with each other too.

With a mom, and a mother-in-law in long-term care, if you find yourself sharing the passage with your spouse, while the conversations shift, they are more meaningful conversations.

You may find yourself regretting though, that you made more time for more conversations with your parents. More walks in the park or in the neighborhood. More visits in general.

Keep your chin up because this is more helpful in putting that pep in your step and cheer in your voice and right now – that happiness IS something you can offer to your aging parents.

It's for everyone's benefit to find ways to fool yourself into happiness. We now know with certainty the direction of this path.

If you have this situation, how do you fool yourself?